Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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