He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
