i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
