So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
