Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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