I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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