I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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