Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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