Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
