if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
