I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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