Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
