And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The air was thick with penises
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
