Someone shit on the floor
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
