There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
