craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
