She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize