I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
