i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
