You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
