Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize