It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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