Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
