i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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