pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
