3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
