Plan B is the new Plan A
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
