3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize