My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
