I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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