I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
