brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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