First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize