Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
