you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
