On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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