Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
