Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize