He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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