I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
