You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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