they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
