im about as happy as oj after his trial
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
