FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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