by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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