I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
