Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
