I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
