so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
