you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
