**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
