I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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