I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
