the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
