idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
