I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize