Can i not drive my cunt home
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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