your room smells of hookers.
And success
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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