Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
worst night to have a conscience
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
