He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
