Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
