some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
