i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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