1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she peed on how many people?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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