He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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