if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
