Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
