tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
