Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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