just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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