i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
