when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
