I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
