God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
