Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
