KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
