found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
