is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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