Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
