what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
