you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize