This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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