I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
