Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
