you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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