She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
