My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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