Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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