dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
