The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my being single is dangerous.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
