i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
