party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
