a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
try to milk me bitch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
