I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
