I haven't been this sober since birth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
