hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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