Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
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