I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
