i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
