He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
