Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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