pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
