Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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