woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
