Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
